Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
