So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
