i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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