It's like God shit irony all over that family
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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