I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
