Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
