If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
