You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
