Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
