Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
