The maid of honor just puked.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
