Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
