whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
