We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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