So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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