she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sponge bath it is.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
