I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i came on her dog
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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