if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
