But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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