I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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