So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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