I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
