You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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