All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
