So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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