You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
