Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
