If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to align my fucking chakras
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
