Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
