She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone says I win the strip club
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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