She is in my trunk
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
