I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
