i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
