Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
