We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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