I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
babies were throwing up all over the place
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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