he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
