Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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