you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
