i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My ass is underappreciated
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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