this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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