Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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