Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
