just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
