I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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