And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
