One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
