There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
