I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
