Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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